Ancient
Posted on: 13/8/2023
I’m older than Katniss Everdeen and Harry Potter,
in most of the books
and Hazel Green Lancaster and Percy Jackson and Laura Jean Covey
and every YA protagonist I used to love as a girl
or still love to this day
I’m older than main characters and I have done absolutely nothing extraordinary
half of them die but at least they’ve got a story
my escape used to exist between the pages of novels
until I became too ancient to be the hero
when I was 12 I used to wish I was 16
because didn’t it seem interesting
fighting to death and casting spells and stealing lightning
and sending out love letters?
my phone is so dry you could use it as a sponge
and my heart is so empty you could fill it up with a teardrop
I am 19 and already I look in the mirror and see a blank canvas
where wrinkles will crease my skin
I must be a failure cause I’ve never learned to shoot a bow and arrow
and Hazel’s boyfriend lit up like a tree
but at least she’s felt love:
she’s got something on me
I am 19 - why do I already feel irreversibly incomplete
these characters are frozen at their ripe young ages
and I feel like I’m folding into old dusty pages
am I invisible now?
am I no longer interesting?
I’m still learning to live well
but in books I’ve missed everything
do the authors age them?
make them act older than they seem?
or am I just behind and too late to rethink?